Archive for June, 2009

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HitDanBack’s Robert Pattinson MEETING!

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

"F off, Dan!"

Grab your diapers.  Yup… it happened.  In New York… It really is THE CITY OF DREAMS!

Yesterday… HitDanBack met R-Patz.  The thing is that I posted that video of those insane girls attacking him, but the truth is that when I encountered him right near NYU (my alma mater, thank you very much) at first I wasn’t sure if it was him, but then I realized that I too became a Pattinson-zombie… It was PHENOMENAL… My legs locked up and I’m pretty sure my eyes rolled back in my head… and I drooled… which was probably super attractive looking.

Anyhoo, here’s the deal.  He’s actually pretty intense up-close and he was smoking!  And I TOTALLY didn’t mind… Honestly, this dude could have been screaming and running at me with a chainsaw, shooting a machine gun and I still would have hugged him.  Also I was half expecting him to say “Hay-Low” in that weird turn-of-the-century intonation that he uses in Twilight when Bella first talks to him in biology class.  But instead I’m sure he was looking at me and contemplating a restraining order, which would have been a good idea in retrospect because I toootally went after him.  Wanna know why? Because that’s how I roll…

So just when R-Patz thought it was safe to escape, I got him.  Yes, I got him.  So I said, “Robert, do you know who I am?”  No, really.  I swear to GAWD!   And he was all “Errrrr, no man” with fear in his eyes…  Also, yeah, he called me a “man”.  Excuse me for a second while crack open a cold one and change the carburetor in my pick-up… Ok, so then I told him to read the site and he said he didn’t read gossip… So I said… “Well HitDanBack is different!!” And seriously he was almost running away from me at this point but managed to turn around and say “How is it different, man?” Also, “man” AGAIN!!?? So I said, “It’s different because I only write about two things… vampires and the Irish”…

Ok, so this was one of those moments where I actually tried to grab the words that came out of my mouth and furiously stuff them back in by making large netting motion with my shaking hands. He actually looked at me and laughed… Phew!

Anyway, after a few glorious, awkward seconds, he was off just as mysteriously as he had arrived.

Thank god this all happened because honestly, if I didn’t meet R-Patz soon, I’d never be able to show my face on the internet again!

Seriously, all you crazed teenage girls, you might be onto something here.

Hay-Low!?!

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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 6:40PM Add Comment

Real Housewives of New Jersey WAS FIERCE!

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
Holy Jesus Christ! Ma-Ma!! Who saw the finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey?  I’m pretty sure I’ve been waiting for last night’s episode since Bravo showed the trailer for the this season a few months ago… And it was INTENSE!
How’s about that fight when Danielle told Teresa to pay attention and Teresa went all Christian Bale on her?  ”Prostitution Whore”!  Danielle is such a bad-ass to bring the book to dinner and call Dina out… DAYUM! And what about how Caroline had to lie because Dina couldn’t stand up for herself and admit she peddled the book throughout Franklin Lakes!?  YIKES!  Then Jacqueline blew the entire lie apart and came clean about how Dina really did bring the book to that gorgeous salon?!  It seems like that family is going to have some pretty awkward Thanksgivings ahead… 
Also, did anyone notice that as the fight between Teresa and Danielle escalated, Teresa’s husband Joe literally stuck his hand in her mouth to stop her from yelling?  Like, what?!  Almost as horrifying was that story that Teresa told about how Joe made her lay still so he could have sex with her while she was still groggy from the anesthesia during her breast augmentation… How freaking creeped is that? I feel like Rod Serling was in the background serving Teresa her canneloni… 
This finale did not disappoint!  But let’s be honest, the breakout star of this episode was without a doubt, Danielle’s 14 year old daughter, Christine… How fierce was she for not getting up when Teresa asked the kids to leave the room?  I love that she wasn’t going to allow the other Housewives to gang up on her Danielle.  Go on and defend your mother, girl!  So hot… So, so, so hot… 
Stay tuned!  I hear the 2 hour reunion is BANANAS!
P.S. We hear Danielle has a SEX TAPE… Oy Vey!
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 2:51AM Add Comment

I Beg Your Pardon… Have We Met?

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

I’m sorry but I have no idea who the hell this is… Someone told me this was the art for Mariah’s comeback single… Which is totally impossible because why would Mariah put some other woman (or random transexual) on the cover of her single?  Makes no sense.  This woman (tranny in training), in the photo above seems like she’s on the verge of catching a cold, though.  I mean, look at her!  She’s obviously thrown caution to the wind and stepped outside in her under-things with wet hair!  She also looks somewhat confused, or maybe she’s asleep…?  Young lady (man?) this is not the way to behave!  You put your clothes on and get back in the house, stat… or there’ll be no estrogen supplements tonight!  
Either way, check out a sample of Mariah’s new single, Obsessed, here.
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 8:20PM Add Comment

Wanna See Something REALLY Scary???

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

Please check out the totally insane video below taken yesterday afternoon as Twilight’s Robert Pattinson tries to return to his trailer while shooting in New York City. Honestly, being famous seems pretty awesome, but if there’s such a thing as too famous, this dude is it…
I’m pretty sure a couple of the girls are crying and that about halfway through the video, Robert Patiinson is crying as well. He actually looks frightened like if he lost contact with his 35 body guards that these girls would tear him apart and eat his organs. From the girls’ behavior, I’d venture to say he’s probably right.
Also please notice the gay couple the enters the frame towards the end and make these insane primal mating groans… It’s enough to keep you awake for about 14 years… or until the hype over brooding, semi-albino vampires has died down… 

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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 7:22PM Add Comment

Miley Cyrus & Nick Jonas: NAUGHTY With A Camera, Ya'll!

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Here’s the deal.  I went to law school with Star Jones, so there’s NO way I’m gonna come close to putting this picture, not even the censored version, anywhere near my site… Even if I hadn’t been Star Jones‘ study partner in Fast Food Law, I’d still rather tongue-kiss Rasputin than look at this photo.  
But apparently, Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas (of Jonas Brothers fame) got romantic and used their Canon Digital Elph… In other news, Disney is probably about to spontaneously burst into flames.  Thank god I froze Walt’s brain.
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 4:36PM Add Comment

Adam Lambert: Getting A Big Head?

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Ok, ok he’s gay… we get it… But in a recent interview with Parade Magazine, Glambert talks about his transition into superstardom.  You know, the usual… Being a big ol’ star, meeting famous hotties like Madonna, working with top producers… being a spokesperson for the gay community… Is fame going to his head?
When asked about Perez Hilton keeping Adam’s sexuality unconfirmed online, Glambert responded:
“I heard a little bit about it. I think he might have a crush on me. That’s what it feels like…I don’t have a crush on him!” 
OUCH!  To which Perezito responded:
“Well, let’s just set the record straight: Dear Glambert, No crush on you, but how precious of you to think so!
Developed that ego rather quickly, huh?”
Uh-Uh!  Maybe Adam’s just feeling himself a little bit more than usual right now… And rightfully so!  I hear that since he shot Rolling Stone and became an even bigger star that he’s found himself a new boyfriend who’s already a heavy-hitter in ‘the industry’ with a house in Vegas and a career to match… Oh yeah… Danke Shein very much.
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 3:30PM Add Comment

NEW Miss California Talks Gay Marriage!

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

Meet the new and improved Miss California, former Miss Malibu, Tami Farrell.  As Farrell has recently stepped into Carrie Prejean’s gestapo marching boots, I’m interested to hear her take on the gay marriage issue.  
Let’s be honest, short of brandishing a machine gun, burning a cross,  and eating a baby on stage, Farrell probably couldn’t make a worse impression than her predecessor, who is said to be currently sharing a room in a halfway house with David Duke…
Anyhow, on the issue of gay marriage, Farrell first managed to mutter that she does believe the marriage is in fact the union of a man and a woman… but then explained: 
“I don’t think that I have the right or anybody has a right to tell somebody who they can or can’t love. And I think that this is a civil rights issue. And I think that the right thing to do is let the voters decide.”
I mean her answer isn’t perfect.  But hey, when you’re used to eating crap, when someone offers you fast-food it’s a step-up, right?  I’m sure she’s just pandering to those bat-shit Prop 8 people… and probably to Mel Gibson.  After all, she IS from Malibu… Mel Gibson OWNS Malibu, Sugar Tits…   
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 2:27PM Add Comment

Lindsay Lohan Steals $45K Worth Of Jewels From Elle!

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Lots of times people say that you when end one addiction you begin another… I mean now that apparently Lindsay has been off Red Bull, vodka, whiskey, gin, cheap champagne, moonshine, hairspray, rubbing alcohol, marijuana, blow, speed, opiates, ’shrooms, LSD, PCP, angel dust, special K, curare, Sam Ronson, peyote, and meth for a day or so, it’s possible that she feels the need to compensate with another compulsive behavior.  I mean, I am a doctor, so my expert opinion is of note in this matter.  Yes, it’s a little known fact, but I am a doctor and I run a small practice with my partner, Karl Lagerfeld… the dermatologist.
Anyhoo, it looks like Lindsay has turned to theft!  Boo-Yah!  Now remember that this is a familiar pattern to “Patient L”.  In 2007 “Patient L” stole $10K worth of clothes and jewelry from model Lauren Hastings (who “Patient L” later called a “fat liar”…) while visiting a mutual friend who was housesitting at Hastings apartment.  Then she dabbled a bit more in larceny when she lifted some clothes from a Louis Vuitton shoot, and finally wrapped up her theft ring when she stole an $11K fur from student at a Columbia University party which she was later photographed wearing and had to return, lol… Imagine how that went? “Oh, sorry… I know I told you I didn’t steal this… But the camera adds 15 lbs… of mink…”
Anyhoo, according to reports, Thomas Crown is back!
Lindsay Lohan is at the center of a London police investigation in connection with the theft of jewelry from a magazine photo shoot. The actress was in the English capital recently, when she posed for an upcoming spread in fashion glossy Elle, according to sources. An insider (says), “She kept going on about the jewels, asking if she could have them. We all thought she was joking.” The jewelers realized the $45,000 (GBP30,000) worth of bling was missing after the shoot and contacted magazine bosses, who insisted they had no knowledge of what had become of the gems.
Yikes! $45K?  That’s like Lindsay’s whole paycheck from her nicotine gum endorsement deal…  I wonder if she and Sam will try to make a run for it.  It could go like this…
Ring-Ring…Ring-Ring…
“‘Allo?”
“Sam?  It’s me….”
“Who?”
“Um… your friend…”
“Which one?”
“Ummmm, I think it’s better if I don’t say… I mean, it’s not your friend… it’s the person who loves you…”
“Nana Louise?!”
“No… not your Nana, but yourrrr…..”
“Cigarettes?”
“Yes, this is your little cigarette with red hair… and I’m leaving town and I need you to come with me…”
“Why are you leaving town, little cigarette with red hair?”
“I’m in trouble with Scotland Yard… I, uh, stole some jewels…”
“How did a cigarette with red hair steal a jewel?”
“Nevermind, I’m outside your flat in a disguise… Look out your window! We have to leave now…like, right now…”
“Ok, hang on… Oh blast!  Listen little cigarette with red hair, meet me around the back and try to be quiet… I just looked out the window and bloody Lindsay Lohan is in front of my house dressed as a Beef Eater on a blue horse…”
Click…
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 12:27PM Add Comment

Perez Hilton v. Micah Jesse: Clash Of The Gossip Titans

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Uh-ohhhh… What happens when two Gossip Queens go head to head?  It ain’t good…. Sources say ex-pals and current frenemies, Perez Hilton and Micah Jesse are going at it like Joan Collins and Linda Evans on Dynasty over a tag phrase… That’s right… It’s “Amazeballs”!  Now, sources say Micah had the phrase forevs… and owns the URL www.Amazeballs.com … but Perez has certainly been using it a lot lately, adopting it as his own, and passing it on to pals (like Katy Perry and Lindsay Lohan) just to ruffle Micah’s feathers.  Oh NO HE DID NOT!!  Ding-Ding-Ding looks like this fight could get NASTY!  Play nice you two! MEOW!
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 9:40PM Add Comment

New Couple Alert: Adrian Grenier and Ashley Greene from Twilight…

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Apparently, Adrian Grenier and Ashley Green (who plays Alice Cullen in Twilight) had quite the weekend at the Oakley Learn
To Ride program fueled by Muscle Milk.  I keep my ears in California over the weekend and they literally just arrived in a Fedex envelope 10 minutes ago… So if you’ve been trying to talk to me, I’ve been deaf since Friday… Unless you’re Dionne Warwick, in that case I always have ears for my psychic partner.  Walk on by…
Learn To Ride is basically an excuse for hot young celebs to get into bathing suits, get wet, and crash into each other… and guess what!? Sparks flew as the young stud and the vampire with awkward hair surfed together, ate vegan food (this is LA, Jesus!) and drank Muscle Milk on the beach.  I drank Muscle Milk too once… it worked.  My bi-coastal ears tell me that later Saturday night they were spotted bumping and grinding on the dance floor. Oooooh!
I bumped and grinded with a vampire once… It worked… Boo-Yah! Papa’s home!
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Posted by admin at 6/30/2009 8:26PM Add Comment

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