Archive for July, 2009

Because It's FRIDAY!

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Someone call the Hottie PoliceCloris Leachman is at it again.  Who likes this photo? Huh?!  Stand up and be counted!  Something interesting, well besides the obvious, is that the man opening the gate to heaven is actually Cloris’ son… Please look at his face.  Then please look at Cloris’ face.  I’m so scared.  The worst part is that I’m currently housesitting and now I have to explain why I set the bed on fire and cut the eyes out of all the pictures in Vogue and buried them outside.  Nobody should have to go through this alone.  I’ll never dance again.  I’m sorry but I have to briefly excuse myself because after gazing at Cloris, my hair spontaneously turned white, my eyes exploded, my teeth fell out, I began to speak in tongues, and my mother slapped me in the face. Not happy… Thanks a lot.

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Public Service… Because I Care…

Friday, July 17th, 2009
The media is a powerful platform.  As a matter of fact I was just discussing how drunk with power I’ve become lately with my new Assistant.  It’s odd, because given the gargantuan number of people that read this blog everyday, I think I owe it to you guys to also present stories that are of public use.  Lately, I’ve been so wrapped up in being “fancy” that I’ve forgotten that I can also use HitDanBack as a powerful tool for knowledge.  In that vein, I present the following video which certainly changed my life and I hope it does the same for you.  There’s a saying in my native tongue, “Shamni-Raf-Gavna-Nippy-Fartfuckles” which roughly translated, means “Let the eagle screech. I am with you tonight, Nippy-Fartfuckles“.  That pretty much says it all. Enjoy.

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Michael Jackson IS The Biological Father Of His Kids!?

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Michael Jackson’s brother, Tito spoke out yesterday, telling The Daily Mirror that he believes beyond the shadow of a doubt that Michael Jackson is the biological father of Paris, Prince Michael, and Blanket. Here’s an excerpt of Tito’s interview:

“They are all his children,” says the former Jackson 5 member. “Blanket is Michael’s, I can tell. Those eyes don’t lie. Them eyes are Michael over again. I see a lot of Michael in him. Prince looks just like my grandfather. There’s no question they are Michael’s. They are 100% his. The kids are like three peas in a pod. They remind me of me and my brothers when we were growing up.”


 I mean, who knows?  Stranger things have happened, right?  Get out your Punnett Squares and let’s figure this out! Hm, although on second thought, I understand what Tito’s saying… It might appear that all three of Michael Jackson’s children are caucasian, but so what? You can see a VERY strong resemblance here… Am I right? Or what about here?  That kid is definitely Michael Jackson’s son!  Look at his eyes!  He’s got Joe Jackson written all over him, especially in the jawline and in the attitude department.  Get the switch!!!

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Mischa Barton Put Under "Psychiatric Hold"!!

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Well, it finally happened.  It seems like Mischa Barton’s been having a pretty tough time since the O.C. got cancelled.  I mean, just those cellulite shots alone.  YIKES!  Anyhoo, she cracked up today.  It’s pretty sad really.  I mean she has quite the reputation for being not-so-nice but maybe it’s because the only thing she’s eaten in the last 4 years is the plastic bag her 8-balls come in.  One time I ate a shiny, red Christmas ball and I’m still smiling… True story.

Hollyscoop reports:
“Guess Mischa Barton’s “medical issue” last night involved a little more than pain from her wisdom teeth! She was placed under an involuntary psychiatric hold, also known as a 5150, by the LAPD last night! 
Access Hollywood reports that she was then transferred to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. According to the code, authorities can hold a person involuntarily if they present a danger to themselves or others, are gravely disabled or suffer from a mental disorder. As you may recall, this same code was used to hold Britney Spears two different times in January 2008. 
The LAPD aren’t commenting on the situation right now. When someone is placed under a 5150, police are prohibited from disclosing the information due to Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act. Mischa can legally be held at Cedars for up to 72 hours. 
Just hours ago, Mischa’s rep said she would be skipping tonight’s premiere of her movie Homecoming as a result of her medical situation she had last night. 
Her rep told People, “Police were involved due to Ms. Barton’s celebrity status, to safely transfer her to medical treatment as per doctor’s orders. He also added that Mischa is now “okay and resting.” “
Stay tuned…

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Be Prepared To Burn Your Eyes Out…

Thursday, July 16th, 2009
There’s a period of time during the work day, especially in the summertime, that I like to call the “midday stretch”… It’s right about now.  You’re probably sitting at your desk wondering how on earth you’ll make it through until 6.  Personally, I think it takes something drastic to snap you out of these types of post-lunch work comas like a punch in the face, or waterboarding.  This next video clip will do.  I think it’ll make you want to throw your computer out the window and scissor-kick everyone in your immediate vicinity.  It’ll also make you want to burn out your eyes with an acetylene torch and slam your penis in a door.  Also, please notice the little kid hopping through the pool around 17 seconds in.  What the christ!?  Hopefully one of you have Child Protective Services on speed dial.  You can thank me later, Lil’ Moonbeam.  Enjoy! xo!


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