"Wanna see my moves?"
You might think to yourself… “Snooki can’t possibly be any worse at anything than not making Dan projectile vomit every time he sees her…” but you’d be incorrect…
Apparently, she’s also really shitty at keeping her balance.
In that vein, here’s a video of Snickers eating shit at some gross club in Connecticut two weekends ago…
"I always feel like somebody's..."
Whoah, this stands to be one of the most interesting Super Bowls ever… Obviously, because of the commercials, not the actual game…
I mean, usually Super Bowl commercials consist of Naomi Campbell dancing with lizards and frogs that drink beer…
This year, however, CBS has approved an anti-abortion commercial featuring Heisman trophy winner, Tim Tebow and his mother, Pam.
Paid for by the conservative Christian group Focus on the Family, the ad tells the story of Tim’s father and mother, who was pregnant with their fifth child when the couple travelled to the Philippines on a missionary trip and Pam fell ill.
Pam obviously decided not to abort Tim… who then later went on to be really good at football. So, I mean, that was worth it, I guess…
Tons of people are pissed off that CBS accepted the $2.5 million payday from Focus on the Family in exchange for spreading their propaganda…
On the other hand, and perhaps to balance out political sentiment, CBS is also considering airing a commercial for the new gay social networking site, Mancrunch.com…
The ad, which features a hot and heavy make out session between two football buddies, is also rustling some feathers on both sides of the issue… for totally opposite reasons…
Check it out:
Obviously, there are people out there who don’t feel like tuning into the Super Bowl and finding gay dudes frenching in between plays… I mean, I’m not one of them, but I hear they exist…
Oh the other hand, um, call me crazy… But, I’m not a hundred percent sure that that commercial’s not at least slightly homophobic…
Gay press has been pointing out the not-so-subtle anti-gay nuances that seem to permeate the ad…
For instance, the friend watching the guys kiss looks like he’s about to vomit and there’s a huge “No-Entry” hanging above them… I can’t say I disagree…
Is CBS biting off more than they can chew? Should either ad be permitted to air on Super Bowl Sunday? Should both ads run? Should they just bring back Naomi Campbell and the other lizards?!
Ruth and I have a conference call with CBS in about 40 minutes to weigh in on media strategy… Thoughts?
Image courtesy of Michael K.
This could obviously be totally untrue… In a way, I hope it is…
Because if it is accurate, this is such a powerful revelation that I too will have to convert to lesbianism… which means throwing out all of my clothes…
Angelina Jolie biographer, Ian Halperin wrote on his blog last night:
“A source close to the actress told IUC late last night that there was recently a secret rendezvous between the two at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel that lasted all night. Apparently, Angie is obsessed with Lady GaGa. Still, I reserve judgment on this one until I see more proof. Developing…”
"Can I borrow a fiver?"
I mean, it’s been a while since we’ve heard a peep from Toni…
Well, except for the fact that she’s broke and Bank of America was foreclosing on her Century City, Ca. home because she owes about $12,000 in back taxes…
Incidentally, Toni probably spent about $140 million on plastic surgery between 1991 and 2010… But, for her to lose her home over $12,000 just doesn’t seem right!
TONI’S A GREAT ENTERTAINER and she’s back in a major way with her new single, “Make My Heart“…
I actually love this song and plan to buy it, thus making my small, yet meaningful contribution to getting Toni off the street!
Check it out:
Um...
Some people might think that Florida resident, Cynthia Ware, who lost her shit and stabbed her boyfriend with a 10-inch butcher knife for clicking off American Idol, was overreacting…
I mean, she’s being charged with attempted murder, but I’ll go ahead and back a sister up because ain’t nobody come between me and “I Survived…”.
Step up and you’re bound to get shived…
Check it out:
Occular Terrorism...
Here’s a photo of Kelis attending some godforesaken event…
I think she’s supposed to be dressed as some sort of futuristic cat with hooves and a stupid fucking haircut… And I was actually focusing on her shitty, edgy hairdo until I made the mistake of panning South…
I can’t accurately express to you in words how disturbing I find this particular likeness of Kelis’ bagina…
Are you seeing it yet in all of its sweaty, clammy, latex-bound horror?
Honestly, after exposing your eyes to this, even if you ever regained the ability to get an erection, you’d still be shit out of luck because anyone you could ever expect to bang is dead now… Bad news travels fast.
"This shit burns!"
Singer, Etta James was sent to the hospital due to a serious urinary tract infection earlier this week…
Fortunately, her son says that she is expected to make a full recovery and be released from the hospital very soon, which is reassuring…
Although, I mean, that must be some serious UTI, huh? Yikes…
Please help clean up Etta’s urethra by listening to her and letting her melodious stylings make rough love to your ears… until they get a urinary tract infection:
"Hush up, Bill... Now, lemme tell you about me..."
Gohd… I was being sarcastic…
Bill Gates and his wife, Melinda, announced that they are investing $10 billion into a 10-year program that will focus on providing vaccines for AIDS, tuberculosis, rota virus and pneumonia to countries around the world!
Speaking at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, Bill and Melinda, who have recently been devoting the majority of their time to their philanthropic foundation, said that the potential impact of providing these vaccines early enough to people, especially children, who need them, is paramount:
“Vaccines are a miracle. With just a few doses, they can prevent deadly diseases for a lifetime. We’ve made vaccines our priority at the Gates Foundation because we’ve seen firsthand their incredible impact on children’s lives. By significantly scaling up the delivery of life-saving vaccines in developing countries to 90 percent coverage — including new vaccines to prevent severe diarrhea and pneumonia — the model suggests that we could prevent the deaths of some 7.6 million children under 5 from 2010-2019.”
Pretty amazing, right? I mean, there is a lot of super frightening disease out there…
But, I’ll tell you this, if Bill Gates finds a vaccine that prevents “severe diarrhea“, then that little pisher will finally earn my respect…
Those sunglasses make me want to slam her in the head with a frying pan...
I hate to make you aware of the Westboro Baptist Church if you weren’t already.
But, they’re the homophobic sect spearheaded by REV. FRED PHELPS (who, may I say, bares an uncanny resemblance to the SCARY, DEAD PASTOR FROM POLTERGEIST, with a twist of repressed homosexual) who carry all those ridiculous signs about God hating gay people, and “YOU”, and AMERICA, and SOLDIERS, and ASTRONAUTS…?
Anyhoo, they’re basically one big, inbred family who look like they’ve NEVER SEEN THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE OF CONDITIONER… and obviously, if there’s one person they hate more than gay people in general, it’s LADY GAGA.
So, they decided to literally remix her hit “Poker Face” and call it “Whorish Face“… AND THEY MADE A VIDEO!
Needless to say, it’s brilliant and, rest-assured, I’ll bump it next time I ride the pink pony express!
Enjoy!
Lighting?
Nicole Richie’s pissed that she was perceived as having an eating disorder because that’s, like, a disease… and, like, insulting…
“I felt it was a little unfair to say someone has an eating disorder when they don’t. It’s extremely insulting and irresponsible. An eating disorder is serious and it’s a disease. I think when you see me in person, you see that I’m, like, five foot one – I’m a small person.When I was heavier, everyone said I was too heavy. You can’t win in the public eye and I find it really hard. So I ignore it now, I really do.”
Shortly after the publication of Nicole’s quote, Jiminy Cricket released the following statement:
“Oh behalf of The Blue Fairy and myself, I’d like to announce that we’ll no longer with be working with Nicole Richie because we can’t trust that bitch farther than I can throw her…
And I can’t throw shit…I’m a fucking cricket!”
(Via Dlisted)