Archive for May, 2010

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Happy Memorial Day, Guys!

Friday, May 28th, 2010
Summa, Summa, Summa Toime...

Summa, Summa, Summa Toime...

Hooray!

We finally made it!

Summer’s really on its way!

This holiday, we remember all those brave Americans who fought for the freedoms that we get to enjoy each and every day…

I want to encourage all of you to have at least one extra, delicious cocktail for everyone who’s sacrificed for our collective well-being, this weekend…

In that vein, you can guarantee that I’ll be participating, and having (at least) one extra, delicious cocktail for each and every one of you, as well…

Which should bring me to about a million drinks from now until Monday…

Which sounds just about right…

You’re all dirty, rotten enablers and I loves ya…

Happy, Happy Memorial Day!

Enjoy, with a flag:

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Posted by dan at 5/31/2010 3:15PM Add Comment

Gary Coleman Died…

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Rest In Peace

I’m sad to report that “Diff’rent Strokes” star Gary Coleman has passed away at 42 years old.

Coleman was pronounced dead after he suffered from a brain hemorrhage.

He suffered an injury in his home in Utah on Wednesday, and his condition significantly worsened and he was placed on life support.

Aw, this is so sad.

He’ll be missed. xo

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Posted by dan at 5/31/2010 2:46PM Add Comment

David Beckham, I Will Watch Sports With You…

Friday, May 28th, 2010

"Gooooo, Dan!"

Here’s a photo of David Beckham at last night’s Lakers game in LA…

Obviously, he made the wise decision to leave that old, reanimated bag of bones at home, so he could enjoy “the company of men“…

I’m not a person who enjoys watching televised sporting events, per se…

On the other hand, if David Beckham called me up and asked me to watch “sports” with him, I’d say “yes”…

And when I say, “sports”, I mean that I had to type this hanging upside down from a fucking chin-up bar because my computer kept bouncing off my lap…

The End.

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Posted by dan at 5/31/2010 1:54PM Add Comment

VIDEO: Jennifer Love Hewitt Read Your Emails This Morning…

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Haircut FAIL

Ugh.

Honestly, from now on, whenever women get frustrated because they can’t figure out why their boyfriend won’t commit to them, they should just blame it on Jennifer Love Hewitt, because she’s such a creepy piece of crunk…

Jennifer was on “The View” this morning talking about why she’s glad she read all of her ex’s emails and texts behind their backs…

Try not to despise her… I dare you:

… Annnnnd, that’s where the interview ended because every man in a 50 mile radius pressed the EMERGENCY EJECTOR SEAT button in his chair in order to get as far the fuck away from NEEDY MCNEEDIKINS as possible before she simultaneously nagged them about leaving the toilet seat down, ragged on his best friend, and then started leaving her toothbrush next to their sink…

The End.

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Posted by dan at 5/31/2010 1:35PM Add Comment

Lindsay Lohan Just Made My Life…

Friday, May 28th, 2010
omg

omg

This is real…

And now, a scientific question…

Is it possible to “vaporize” out of rage?

“Oui…Ja-ja…”

- Unkle Karl

The End.

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Posted by dan at 5/31/2010 12:34PM Add Comment

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