Archive for June, 2010

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Jared Leto Looks Like An Asshole…

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Don't even try it...

Ugh…

Here’s a photo of Jared Leto at some music-themed event on Friday…

I don’t even know why I bothered telling you where this picture was from…

You know, as if it offered some sort of rational explanation about why the fuck he looks like that…

This is actually totally going to ruin my day, because if there’s anything I hate, it’s a waste of delicious hotness…

Just so you know, Jared used to look like THIS… and now he’s some sort of a gay parrot asshole…

For Jared to cast aside his natural heat like that, is like ordering the most delicious filet mignon for dinner, taking 20 years to savour it, and then sending it back for a plate of wet, sloppy fish by-products…

That comes with a penis splinter…

And chronic pink-eye…

The End

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Posted by dan at 6/30/2010 3:28PM Add Comment

The “Old Spice” Man Makes Me Feel Weird…

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Eh...

I’ve been hearing lots of people talking about how sexually arousing this new Old Spice dude is…

Apparently, the ad-wizards at Old Spice were listening because they put him another commercial…

I want you to know that I’ve re-watched the part in the beginning where you realize that his legs are fake about 4,000 times…

Is it possible that I like prosthetic limbs more than hot dudes?

Think about that while I conference in my therapist…

Enjoy:

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Posted by dan at 6/30/2010 2:39PM Add Comment

VIDEO: “Jersey Shore Season 2″ Trailer IS AMAZING…

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

puke...

OMG the Vinnie bangs Snooki!?

J-Woww fights Sammi!?

Snooki’s vagina hurts!?

I can’t lie, I’m probably going to watch the second season of “Jersey Shore”…

…While floating in a bath of rubbing alcohol and Ajax.

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Posted by dan at 6/30/2010 2:02PM Add Comment

VIDEO: James Franco Plays The Unabomber On General Hospital…

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Ted?

Yeah, I’m not sure exactly how else to classify James’ moonlighting as a sicko-fucko nutcase on a soap opera…

Seriously, look:

Right?

Like, what!?

I mean, aside from all that craziness, this post isn’t really about “General Hospital“…

Oh, no… It’s not…

It’s about celebrating James’ ridiculous en-fuego hotness…

I’m not sure exactly how to celebrate because nothing really seems appropriate, except furious, uninterrupted “PRIVACY TIME“…

I can’t even tell you exactly when I became aware of James Franco’s INORDINATE Heat, but I’m pretty sure it was the day that I became a man…

Or a woman…

I can’t be sure, precisely, but I know that it made me wanna F-U-X…

Anyhoo, I wonder how James will choose to celebrate the momentous occasion of his return to daytime television…

I’d imagine that he’ll probably have a relaxing morning, and then suddenly be tackled to the ground by a crazed, unnamed, JEWISH HOMOSEXUAL… and then they’ll spend the day together…

I only say that because that’s how he’s spent his last 2,238 days…

In my mind…

The End.

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Posted by dan at 6/30/2010 1:43PM Add Comment

Happy Birthday, Cheryl Cole!

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Thumbs way up...

So, if you didn’t know…

Cheryl Cole was a member of the British girl group, “Girl’s Aloud“, and she launched her solo career last fall.

Cheryl kind of reminds me of a pop star character in a movie, except she can really sing, dance, and is hot as all hell…

And today is her birthday…

I won’t tell you how old Cheryl is, because I’m too busy basking in the ocean of light that emanates and warms the world in fabulosity on the day of her creation…

Please feast your eyes on Cheryl Cole’s ridiculously hot Brit Awards performance…

She’s sort of like Kylie…

Except, you know, without OSTEOPOROSIS.

Please pay special attention to Cheryl’s stage entrance and prepare to worship the God’s of Europop at 2:28…

She’s obviously some sort of delicious cyborg…

Enjoy:

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Posted by dan at 6/30/2010 1:27PM Add Comment

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