I've been working out my latissimus dorsi...

Just asking, because unlike so many of you who threw caution to the wind and indulged in rich, fatty foods and liquor this holiday season, I’ve been hitting the gym…

And as a reward, my man bought me a new halter top… Two hand-fulls… Jealous?

In other news, HolyFuckingShitWhatTheChristIsThat!?

Yes... You can!

I have to admit, I’m not quite sure where you can pick up this trusty little toy. But, I do know that it’s where I want to be, no questions asked…

Who the hell wants just a regular doll-baby? Not me… I like a doll-baby that needs to be taken care of! You know? Kids like to feed babies, and put them in strollers… and shave them… Errr, uh… You know how hairy babies can get!

Seriously, has anything ever made you feel more uncomfortable than this doll? Realllly think about this one… Go ahead, we’ll wait.

I’m coming up with Angelina Jolie frenching her brother at The Oscars, but that’s about it… Well, that and the Holocaust… otherwise we got nothin’…

(Via DoTheMeganFox.com)

1/32 Seneca, ya'll...

This year, HitDanBack gives thanks to all of you who’ve made us the fastest growing gossip site on the internet!

For reals, you guys are the finest, most ferociously sexy Turduckens on the block and we love you more than coconut custard pie… which is a lot.

Have a fabulous Thanksgiving, everyone; and thanks for giving Dan a job… God knows he needed one!

XOXO

Welcome to The Channing Show!

Yeah… There aren’t any words really. But, there are moments in life that divide the population into two groups.

I’m pretty sure that if you think this video is funny, you’re in my group and if we aren’t friends yet… we can meet up in Hell.

Enjoy:

Sometimes, you gotta go when you gotta go...

No, this is a real thing…

Anyhoo, women of Williamrburg, please beware of “Marc”.

“WARNING! Ladies of Williamsburg, BEWARE!!! This man shit on the floor of my kitchen on October 6 and then peaced. He might strike again. Approach with caution.”

One time someone slept over my apartment after a night out and I woke up at 4am to find him urinating in my hallway, then breaking into my roommate’s bedroom and smashing through her shower door… then he started crying and playing with her shampoo…

Obviously, I knew he was a keeper…

(Via OMG Blog)

Yeah, this one's everlasting...

I think this is a pretty important video for you all to see. Considering gay marriage is such a hot-button issue these days, I believe it’s vital to show the standard of heterosexual marriage that we’d have to live up to. Seriously, if these people are allowed to marry in the eyes of god and the state, the possibilities are endless…

Three cheers for the sanctity of marriage!

(Via OMG Blog)

Not a joke...

This dude was arrested yesterday in Lincoln, Nebraska for stalking a  woman who worked in a tanning salon… Police ticketed Greg Gabel, 46, for disturbing the peace.

ABC News reports:

“Officers ordered Gabel to never return to the business. The clerk, a 21-year-old female, told police Gabel said she reminded him of a character in a book in which a killer stalks his victim. She told police Gabel vowed to return every day she worked.”

In other news, I’ll never ever sleep again in my entire fucking life because every time I close my eyes, I see this psychopath’s face. In more positive news, I’ll also probably never ever go tanning again because every time I close my eyes, I see this psychopath’s face and sick-ass wall-eye with an orange “Wink-Ease” stuck on it.

Yup, that's definitely Jesus...

Pretty spooky, right? A Jonesborough, Tennessee man says an image of Jesus has appeared in the condensation on his pick-up truck window for two weeks and won’t go away. Man, that’s a quandary if I’ve ever heard of one.

Reports the AP:

“Stevens said when he first saw the image, he figured it would evaporate and not return. But it kept reappearing for two weeks now. Stevens said folks at the grocery store he goes to were amazed to see the image. He said he isn’t going to wash the truck for a while.”

That sounds like a pretty good plan… I wonder if this dude is just making this story up to win a drunken bet that he won’t wash his truck for 6 years and his wife won’t complain about it… You know, because nobody wants to scrub Jesus Christ away.

Come to think of it, Jesus just contacted me this morning and said I can’t work out anymore… ever. Oh, and if we need to ask him anything, he’ll be lounging at the bottom of the Ben & Jerry’s carton I bought when I was crunk that’s been sitting in my freezer untouched for two months… But, we have to eat our way down to him first…

Oh, dear god, no...

I actually thought this was a joke… Really and truly. But, alas, it seems there really is a show called “The Huntress” in which some crunk blonde woman (who looks like Carol Ann from Poltergeist and sounds like she just walked out of fucking Fargo) shoots tiny animals with her kids…

Well, she blows them to bits, then takes them home, skins them, and makes them into “kid-friendly” lunchtime treats.

WARNING: This will probably make you nauseated, if only because of her sweater/accent combo:

(Via WWTD)

Gross...

Uh… People in Queens have been paying discount prices to have small carp eat the dead skin off of their feet… Honestly, this is some sick shit… My fourteen year old shih-tzu just took a look at the photo above, shit on the floor, howled, and jumped into the fireplace…

1010Wins reports:

“New York State Senator Jeff Klein is attempting to ban the treatment known as the “fish pedicure” comprised of tiny carp nibbling at and supposedly exfoliating your feet.

“This is an unsavory and unsanitary practice,” Klein. “You can’t sanitize fish,” Klein said Klein has proposed legislation that outlaws the practice across New York. The pedicure was being offered at Astoria’s Ritz Nails and Spa, but the man who owns the salon says he is no longer offering it due to all the controversy.

When asked if customers liked the treatment he said it got mixed reviews, but did say that he himself had tried it and that it felt “very ticklish.”"

Yeah, I don’t really know what else to say, except, gay people can’t get married in New York State… Yet, in queens you can pay $20 to have a fish nip shit off your foot and that’s totally cool… That makes sense…