"Hello, Sailor!"

I’m not sure if you guys have been following the ongoing saga of ex-New York State Congressman, Eric Massa…

If not, you totally should, because this dude completely lost his fucking marbles and his story has all sorts of twists and turns, and gay groping, and shower scenes, and impending death!

To sum it up, Massa (who actually resigned his post on the 5th) has been a vocal opponent of the President’s health reform package… And then all of a sudden, he was accused to grabbing five of his intern’s and staffer’s cock ‘n balls at a party and jiggling them around (too bad he’s not hiring)…

Then Massa defended himself by saying he’s a married man with kids and was in the Navy… So, obviously, he couldn’t be gay…

But then, a dude who served with him came forward being like “Yeah, he might like the penis”…

Then, Massa lost his shit, said he might be dying of some brain disorder, resigned his post, and told this story about how White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel (aka the Robert Downey Jr. of Pennsylvania Avenue) accosted him while they were both nude in a shower… Ding-ding-ding!

Said Congressman Grabby Hands:

“Let me tell you a story about Rahm Emanuel,” Massa started. “I was a congressman in my first eight weeks, and I was in the congressional gym, and I went down and I worked out and I went into the showers…I’m sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird and here comes Rahm Emanuel not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn’t going to vote for the president’s budget. Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?”

Yeah, anyhoo…

If someone could come over and explain that paragraph to me, it’d be great.

To be honest, I had to excuse myself briefly after,

“here comes Rahm Emanuel not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his…”

… and just never got to finishing the rest of Eric’s kookamunga manifesto…

Anyway, stay tuned!

This dude is on the fast-track to Crazytown!