HitDanBack » Dummies http://hitdanback.com Celebs, News, Gossip. Step Into The Ring. Sat, 31 Jul 2010 11:27:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Something To Kick Off The Weekend Right… http://hitdanback.com/something-to-kick-off-the-weekend-right/ http://hitdanback.com/something-to-kick-off-the-weekend-right/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:28:25 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22925

(fart)

And I love you too, so much…

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/something-to-kick-off-the-weekend-right/feed/ 0 Snooki Arrested!!! http://hitdanback.com/snooki-arrested/ http://hitdanback.com/snooki-arrested/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 20:13:00 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22920

So?

Yipes!

Jersey Shore star, Snooki, was arrested today in Seaside Heights, NJ. for disorderly conduct!

As of right now, she is in prison…

And still the fucking dumbest person in the room… by far…

Stay tuned!

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/snooki-arrested/feed/ 2 Heidi Montag Files For Divorce! http://hitdanback.com/heidi-montag/ http://hitdanback.com/heidi-montag/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 19:31:02 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=19685 Not gon' cry... It's not the time...

Not gon' cry... It's not the time...

Ugh, douse your computer in toilet paper and Febreze…

This is probably some sort of crazy, bullshit press-trick, but apparently, Heidi Montag filed for divorce from Spencer Pratt today citing irreconcilable differences…

Oh. The drama.

Her lawyer says:

“Heidi has amended her petition for separation and today has filed a petition for dissolution of marriage from Spencer Pratt. The couple has agreed they would like their divorce to be finalized in a timely manner in an out of court settlement. Both parties are amicable with each other and over the possibility of finalizing their divorce.”

Obviously, bitches is broke… Ok?

I mean, honestly, I hope Heidi doesn’t die, because that’d be a shit-load of extra plastic waste that I feel like our planet can’t handle right now…

Whatever, who even gives a shit…

Certainly not “Scary Laughing Baby”…

He was “Team LC” all along…

This is so fucking awesome, I literally can’t stand it:

(Love you for this, Puddin’)

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/heidi-montag/feed/ 1 Tara Reid’s Vagina… I Quit. http://hitdanback.com/tara-reids-vagina-i-quit/ http://hitdanback.com/tara-reids-vagina-i-quit/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:22:36 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22890 Apocalypse...

Apocalypse...

Tara Reid went out last night in St. Tropez, while on vacation with her (gay) fiance, Michael Axtmann…

Apparently, she decided not to wear panties.

Although, I’ll level with you…

I can’t be sure that’s true, because there’s a chewed wad of gum where her vagina should be…

A chewed wad of gum, left there by some sort of warlock, because it retains the mystical powers to make you want to burn out your eyes with an acetylene torch and repeatedly slam your penis in a sliding door.

Click here to immediately find yourself in hell.

The End.

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/tara-reids-vagina-i-quit/feed/ 1 Lindsay Lohan Doesn’t Have A Pillow, You Guys… http://hitdanback.com/lindsay-lohan-doesnt-have-a-pillow/ http://hitdanback.com/lindsay-lohan-doesnt-have-a-pillow/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:55:19 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22882

"I'm not tired..."

Lots of people have been saying that the other inmates in Lindsay’s prison block are all pissed off about the fact that she gets special treatment because she’s so famous…

Apparently, Lindsay gets to have a cellphone, extended visits with her family and lesbian lover, and even snacks on Ben & Jerry’s contraband.

Luckily, Dina Lohan, who went yesterday to Lynwood Correctional Center, says that Lindsay has no privileges that aren’t afforded to the other prisoners, saying:

“She doesn’t have cell phone privileges, that’s absurd. She doesn’t even have a pillow to sleep on… She’s treated like a common criminal.”

Cool.

Here’s a question…

Why do I think it’s so fucking funny that Lindsay doesn’t have a pillow?

Oh, mostly because this bitch hasn’t slept a wink in three years because she’s been awake blowing lines, crying, and dripping hot wax on her wretched-ass assistant…

For what, a pillow?

She would have just pulled out all the feathers and stuffed the case with dildos and crack rock…

On the other hand…

Holy shit, Lindsay and I are SO on the same wavelength, it’s not even fucking funny, you guys…

It’s like when twins have the same dreams…

The End.

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/lindsay-lohan-doesnt-have-a-pillow/feed/ 0 This Morning, I Bought Miramax From Disney For $660 Million… http://hitdanback.com/this-morning-i-bought-miramax-from-disney-for-660-million/ http://hitdanback.com/this-morning-i-bought-miramax-from-disney-for-660-million/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:15:42 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22875

Mine...

Wow!

I know!

Can you believe it?

I’m so excited to have acquired Miramax’ extensive film library and production rights, because I never ever thought Disney would sell…

But, you know, apparently they want to focus on Pixar and Marvel…

In other news, Filmyard Holdings LLC – and its partners Ron Tutor and Tom Barrack, purchased two hazelnut ice coffees and a banana this morning at the Starbucks on 39th and Park, for a whopping $6.45!

Oh.

Wait, sorry.

Other way around.

The End.

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/this-morning-i-bought-miramax-from-disney-for-660-million/feed/ 1 Laurence Fishburne’s Daughter Just Became A Porn Star… http://hitdanback.com/laurence-fishburnes-daughter-just-became-a-porn-star/ http://hitdanback.com/laurence-fishburnes-daughter-just-became-a-porn-star/#comments Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:11:11 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22854 "Now you can watch my movies, Dad..."

"Now you can watch my movies, Dad..."

First of all, don’t ask me why this post is in all caps…

I have a feeling Laurence put some sort of Matrix hex on this shit…

Out of my hands, people…

Montana Fishburne, daughter of actor, Laurence Fishburne is starring in a porn movie for Vivid Entertainment due out in late August, explaining:

“I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape.”

Well, you know with the exception that Montana’s tape wasn’t ever meant to be private… and it wasn’t “stolen”…

She’s just becoming a porn actress…

Which is just totally sad…

A couple of things…

Firstly, I’m still scared as hell of Laurence Fishburne…

Because, although I realize that he’s just an actor playing a role, to me, he’ll always actually be Ike Turner.

Secondly, on the brighter side, at least she won’t have to toil with the idea of picking her “porn star name”, because “Montana Fishburne” sounds made up as fuck…

The End.

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER

]]> http://hitdanback.com/laurence-fishburnes-daughter-just-became-a-porn-star/feed/ 6 VIDEO: This Cannot Be Real… http://hitdanback.com/video-this-cannot-be-real/ http://hitdanback.com/video-this-cannot-be-real/#comments Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:29:12 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22826
"Run and tell that! Homeboy..."

"Run and tell that! Homeboy..."

Uh.

This is a news story about a break-in and attempted rape.

It also happens to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

I know those two things don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand, but what can I say?

If you don’t think “Antoine Dodson” deserves an Oscar for his brilliant fucking portrayal of “Gay  &  Crazy”, you need to check yourself…

Immediately.

Enjoy:

(Via Dlisted)

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/video-this-cannot-be-real/feed/ 3 “I Ain’t Feeling You, Bitch”: Kate Hudson Edition… http://hitdanback.com/i-aint-feeling-you-bitch-kate-hudson-edition/ http://hitdanback.com/i-aint-feeling-you-bitch-kate-hudson-edition/#comments Thu, 29 Jul 2010 21:02:59 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22819 "Ya' hair smellz..."

"Ya' hair smellz..."

This is my favorite photo of Kate Hudson of all time.

It’s not every day that we’re able to crystalize the image of a big star being visually assaulted with a, “Bitch, you ain’t Goldie…”, at the hands of a sassy gay fan…

Hm, now that I think of it…

To be honest, everyone I know thinks Kate Hudson sucks…

I’m not even sure why, exactly…

They just do.

On the other hand, “everyone I know” also reads this site…

So, you know, you can take what those assholes say with a grain of salt…

The End.

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER!

]]> http://hitdanback.com/i-aint-feeling-you-bitch-kate-hudson-edition/feed/ 1 Mel Gibson Thinks This Is Funny… http://hitdanback.com/mel-gibson-thinks-this-is-funny/ http://hitdanback.com/mel-gibson-thinks-this-is-funny/#comments Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:55:14 +0000 dan http://hitdanback.com/?p=22795 "Hahaha, Jewsssss..."

"Hahaha, Jewsssss..."

Mel Gibson finally walked out of his house this morning…

One weird thing is that it seems as if he’s enjoying the attention that one garners after punching their baby in the face…

Another weird thing is that he traded in his Third Reich uniform, in order to disguise himself as Ryan Phillippe…

The End.

CLICK HERE TO SHOP.HITDANBACK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON FACEBOOK!

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW HITDANBACK ON TWITTER

]]> http://hitdanback.com/mel-gibson-thinks-this-is-funny/feed/ 0