(Model: CJ Richards)
Look, I’m not one to be a lapdog to fashion…
On the other hand, I can tell that Michael Bastian is really onto something special with his collection for GANT…
And when I say “something special”, I mean that I had to type this hanging upside down from a chin-up bar because my computer kept bouncing off my lap…
Enjoy!
"You taste like garbage" ... "You taste like death..."
Here’s a wholesome photograph of Lindsay Lohan greeting Death at a party in Italy…
Some of you were probably fooled by this photo and thought that Lindsay might be kissing fashion designer, Roberto Cavalli, but you’d be incorrect… It’s Death.
I’d imagine their conversation went something like this:
Death: “Blurrrghhh Uhhhhhh Shhhhhh…”
Lindsay: “Oh, hey Death… We met one time in Torrence, I’m a friend of Rachel Zoe’s… Got any blow?”
Death: “(Under breath) Oh fuuuuck… Hey, Lindsay, I’m in a rush…Donatella Versace promised me a lap dance…”
Lindsay: “I’ll totally make out with you for a lude…”
Death: “No thanks, I’m kind of seeing someone right now, and we’re thinking about getting serious…”
Lindsay: “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right? Ha! Ok, hope to see you soon…”
Death: “You do? You’re a fucking idiot…”
Lindsay: “Totally! I know! So funny! Oh my god… Crazniess… Got any Adderall? I’ll show you my va-gin-aaaa…”
Death: :::Jumps out plate glass window:::
The End.
Sure, I'll take a house...
Here’s a before and after photo of America’s Next Top Model winner, Yoanna House’s transformation over the past six years…
You might remember Yoanna because it was difficult for her to win the competition because she used to be fat and had lots of acne.
Although, in the end, she turned it out (after suffering a broken shoe and flabby arms) during a DSquared fashion show and creamed Mercedes, her balding competitor, who had lupus…
Anyhoo, now Yoanna looks like hot Jersey Shore trash…
More importantly, though…
HER FUCKING NAME IS PRONOUNCED, “You Wanna House” !!!
Anyway, let’s all live in the glorious past for exactly 2:40…
"Wanna have dinner?"
Mary-Kate Olsen has split from her boyfriend.
A rep for the 23-year-old has confirmed that she and longtime beau, Nate Lowman are no longer together…
Wow, now that she’s single, I wonder what a perfect date would be for Mary-Kate…
I’d imagine it’d be super chic…
Maybe a dimly lit Parisian supper cast against a background of melodious children’s screams… As you’d flirt and talk art and fashion over a romantic, bubbling cauldron of eye of newt, puppy dog tails, wolfbaine, and Nate Lowman’s soul…
The Original Penis Pants!
Remember how we told you that fashion designer Isabel Mastache makes “avant garde” designs? Sure you do!
Most notably, a pair of pants with fabric penis and balls hanging out the front?
Well, guess what? It’s not a new idea!
Former Black Panthers leader, Eldridge Cleaver (under the name Eldrige de Paris) actually designed a pair of similar pants in the 1970s which were featured in Rolling Stone…
The pants weren’t actually ever sold to the public… Yet, I still find myself oddly drawn to them… Yup, still looking at them… Yup… Still…
Phew! I mean, it’s not everyday that I jump on top of such in-depth investigative reporting…
But, when it comes to the Penis Pants, you’ll have to get up a little earlier in the morning to get one passed me, Isabel Mastache…
If that’s even your real name…
Practicality...
Fashion designer Isabel Mastache makes “avant garde” designs.
At Madrid Fashion Week, Mastache’s new Fall 2010/Winter 2011 collection included a stupid sweater with hood and puffs, a headpiece covered in stank cabbage, various explosions of fabric, and the penis trouser.
I’m not one who easily understands the order of the artist’s mind, but I’m pretty sure that Isabel and I are on the same page because (to my knowledge) this is the first time that I’ve actually humped my computer screen.
"Mmmm, nah...."
Here’s a photo of New York Fashion Week’s finale last night in which Tommy Hilfiger made his triumphant return from the floor of the fitting room at Marshall’s to Bryant Park…
As you can see, everyone (even Gossip Girl’s Penn Badgley, who could obviously smell the eye of newt and wolfbane rotting in Trollson’s purse) got off their asses to toast Tommy’s reinflating price point…
Well, everyone except Ashley Olson… who was not impressed…. at all.
Obviously, Ashley had something on her mind and couldn’t be bothered… or maybe she was just tired after a long day of hiding under a bridge, riddling goats, and eating children’s dreams…
Everyone with hepatitis raise your hand...
Here’s a photo of Pam Anderson making her sexy cameo appearance at the A-Muse fashion show yesterday in New York City…
I wouldn’t be surprised if after this photo was taken, fashion week, or maybe fashion in general, decided to pack it the fuck in and retire…
Because, I’d imagine it’d be pretty difficult to maintain any sort of tangible chicness after the CDC had to quarantine Bryant Park and douse the crowd with Ajax and chlorine before finally setting New York City ablaze just to make sure we’re all in the clear…
Boing!
Hey, remember just the other day when I wanted to talk to you about my theories behind Calvin Klein’s popularity?
And I said that an aspect of Calvin’s work that I believe has led very much to his overwhelming success both domestically and internationally is his keen aptness to straddle the line between “HIGH FASHION” and “MY BONER COULD POKE A HOLE THROUGH CEMENT“… ?
Here’s his new underwear commercial, featuring new spokesmodels Kellan Lutz, Mechad Brooks, Fernando Verdasco and Hidetoshi Nakata…
Substitute the word “cement” with “bedrock”…
holy fucking shit...
Here’s a photo of gorgeous Ashlee Simpson sitting in the font row of her husband, Pete Wentz’ fashion show yesterday…
I think I can explain this…
Dear Beelzebub,
I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch lately… I been really busy. How are you? I thought you said that I wouldn’t age if I gave you my soul…
Hey, I’m not sure if you noticed, but I’ve been aging like a motherfucker… I mean, it’s not a big deal, but if you could possibly do something about it, that’d be fantastic.
I know I probably have to pay you to take care of it. But, I’m kind of broke right now…
Anyhoo, you don’t have to create another new face for me or anything…
But, if you could just find someone who you don’t think will notice, and then switch my old, fucked up, witch face onto theirs…
Well, that would be fabulous… and I promise I’ll do Kiss of The Spider Woman live next time we meet…
Thanks…