Scary?

I like the way this Swedish police officer shakes his meatballs…

A lot.

There’s just something about a man in a police uniform that’s exciting.

Maybe, it’s that he could either just keep shaking his ass, or arrest you…

One time, I hired a male stripper that was dressed as a cop for my friend’s birthday party.

It was kind of weird because, even after he was naked, he still wouldn’t drop the whole “cop” persona.

Like, he kept telling us that he’d have to “take us in for questioning” and stuff…

Which, to be honest, ruined his appeal slightly.

We don’t have to worry about that here, because this dude probably can’t speak english for shit…

Enjoy:

(Via Dlisted)

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"Bladablahblahhh"

Ok, look…

I don’t care if you hate gorgeous Britney’s guts.

I don’t care if you “don’t get” performance art.

This video, by performance artist Erin Markey is the funniest goddamned fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

If you only start watching at 1:10 and go through the end, you should see the glimmer of pure brilliance that has touched my soul.

And, perhaps, my “nether regions”…

Enjoy:

(Via OMG! Blog)

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DAYUM!

I’m not sure if you guys were able to pick up on my subtle hints…

But, although you might not believe it…

Yes, I’m a HOMOSEXUAL…

I know.

Take a minute.

That being said, Blake Lively showed up at some shitty movie premiere in New York last night wearing the ugliest fucking dress I’ve ever seen, and she still looked ridiculously hot…

I’m not one to give compliments readily, but that dress looks like it just got run over by a truck and covered in frozen puke, and nobody even noticed…

Well, you know, except me…

You should also know that, one time, I saw Blake on the street and I followed her into a deli…

And I think she was wise to it, because she kept turning around to look back at me, like I was a stalker…

Which I am.

So, finally I spazzed out and had to pretend I was buying one of those disgusting sesame seed candies.

Except I got so nervous, that I picked it up, and screamed at the cashier:

“I mean, what’s in this!? Just seeds!?”

Then she hailed a cab…

The End.

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"I'll have another hamburger and a milkshake, please..."

Here’s a photo of Sam Worthington, who starred as “the dude in the wheelchair who becomes a blue alien with a tail” in Avatar…

Anyhoo, Sam used to look like this, but now he’s famous…

Obviously, in between reading scripts, he’s been washing down Quarter Pounders with alfredo sauce and Cool Whip, because he’s gained about 15 lbs. of pure, hairy fat…

In other news:

“What is this, some kind of a joke!? I’d still fuck him…”

- “Anonymous“

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"Run and tell that! Homeboy..."

Uh.

This is a news story about a break-in and attempted rape.

It also happens to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

I know those two things don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand, but what can I say?

If you don’t think “Antoine Dodson” deserves an Oscar for his brilliant fucking portrayal of “Gay  &  Crazy”, you need to check yourself…

Immediately.

Enjoy:

(Via Dlisted)

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Zexy...

Oh…

You might remember when I spoke with you about falling in love with the Chanel faux fur bear suit…

Well, Elle’s Joe Zee had that hairy bitch shipped all the way from Paris, so that he could wear it out on a sunny day here in NYC…

I used to work under Joe (I wish) at W Magazine, and I had the biggest crush on him… and still think he’s hot…

Especially in 30 lbs. of poly-blend.

Enjoy:

(Via OMG! Blog)

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Uh. Yes.

Hm.

I’m not sure if you’re excited to see “Thor”…

I probably won’t see it, but that’s only because I barely ever see movies about cartoon characters because there’s hardly any chance that they’ll get naked.

On the other hand, “Thor’s” pretty hot…

But, if you asked my mother, she’d say, “He has a Nazi’ish-look“…

Enjoy:

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Yup...

Sexual arousal, that’s what…

Here’s a nice photo from Hickey Freeman’s new ad campaign, featuring “True Blood’s” Aleksander Skarsgard, shot by famed photographer and lesbian-to-the-stars, Annie Leibovitz…

I’m not the type of person who gets all crazy about fashion…

On the other hand, I kind of feel like this particular campaign is really onto something special…

And when I say “something special”, I mean that I had to type this hanging upside down from a chin-up bar because my computer kept bouncing off my lap…

The End.

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HOT...

I haven’t had a chance to see “Inception” yet, but everyone says it’s amazing and that Tom Hardy is poised for stardom…

Another thing that’s amazing is when gay actors get their first big break and all of a sudden make believe they aren’t gay…

But, then, it’s hard to do that because they used to take racy webcam photos of themselves (see above) and post them all over gay hook-up sites…

So, they have to back-peddle and make believe being gay was just a phase…

This is all totally hypothetical, by the way..

Daily Mail asked Tom to expand on tales of his gayness:

“As a boy? Of course I have. I’m an actor for fuck’s sake. I’ve played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I’m in my thirties, it doesn’t do it for me. I’m done experimenting but there’s plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life. A lot of gay men get my thing for shoes. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine.

Obviously, it’d be easy to point fingers at Tom for being a bit of a punk when it comes to admitting he’s gay…

Either way, I can’t really talk, I’m busy now…

Doing research:

You tell me, if you're so smart...

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Not.Cool.At.All.

GQ, which I think still bills itself as some sort of magazine geared towards (gay) men, decided to institute “Pantless Saturdays”, in which famous dudes pose for fashion photos with their peens hanging out.

And I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed anything nearly as much in my entire life…

No, honestly, as time marches on, and I get married and have children, and have unbridled and unparalleled professional success, I’ll still never ever be as satisfied as I am right now…

I mean it.

I’ll be on MY DEATHBED, holding my children’s hands, and all of a sudden, they’ll think I’ve passed…

But, then! Out of nowhere, I’ll explode with laughter and crap my bed, and start mumbling:

“Jesus Christ… did I ever tell you about the time Chris Evans, Michael Cera, and Jason Schwartzman got naked!?“…

And, then, you know, I’ll trail off into a morphine-induced slumber and curse the day some asshole nerd decided to invent a machine that scrambles dicks…

The End.

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