Here’s a hot photo of the couple from that TLC show, ‘Little People, Big World’ frolicking in the Hawaiian surf today…
I don’t mean to offend anyone, but obviously this picture is weird as fuck…
And don’t blame it on the crutches…
The best part is that my brain didn’t even have to inform me how weird it is because as soon as I saw it, my computer went into emergency safety mode and started automatically vertically stretching every image saved on my desktop, whilst simultaneously searching my hard drive for a “pot ‘o gold“…
Here’s a video that I think you might like by the folks over at Funny or Die…
It features Heidi Montag, whose face looks like a latex quilt doused in vaseline, and whose breast implants make my penis turn itself inside out like some sort of traumatized gym sock…
I couldn’t really tell you what the gist of Heidi’s joke is, only because my own aimless screams drowned out the sound of my computer…
Here’s a video of Simon Cowell on Jay Leno last night…
This is actually interesting because Simon is forced to be affectionate with his fiance, Mezhgan Hussainy (whose first name is basically the Rubik’s Cube of names and continues to keep me up at night, toiling…)…
Anyhoo, “Meshdiofngan” (pronounced “Sue”) seems super charming and pretty, and Simon appears smitten…
Jay Leno, on the other hand, makes me want to duct tape my computer, then chain it up in my basement, starve it, and make its loosened chrome exterior into a dress…
Christoph Waltz won Best Actor in a Supporting Role at the Oscars and rightfully so.
Inglourious Basterds was the hottest movie of all time… and with the exception of Brad Pitt and “The Bear Jew“, Christoph was probably the most fuckable cast member…
Anyhoo, most of us have never heard of Christoph before Inglourious Basterds, so Jimmy Kimmel did a little digging and found some of Waltz’ early work.
Check it out:
Yeah…
Watching that clip made my brain fry-up like I was staring at a fucking “Magic Eye” drawing…
But, I think the “funny part” of that clip was that it was a take-off on this 1960’s Russian music video…
Which, incidentally, features a “Magic Eye” drawing in its opening credits… and you’d think that was the creepiest part of it…
According to the New York Post, Lindsay Lohan has filed a $100 million lawsuit against E-Trade, because she believes that a milkaholic baby named “Lindsay” featured in their latest commercial is a parody of her…
Check out the commercial:
In the filing, Lindsay’s lawyer argues:
“Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit. They used the name Lindsay. They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”
Yeah, totally… Why wasn’t that baby named “Susan The Milk-o-holic”!?
On the other hand, if I were Lindsay, I’d probably also sue over this unfair portrayal of an crunk old lady doing a sexy dance, which is also obviously a parody of her life…
For Lindsay, watching this shit must be like looking in a mirror:
Over the years, she’s certainly spoken with quite a lot of celebrities, and although she uses hard tactics, I’d say she gets the job done…
However, sometimes I wonder if Barbara finds herself alone at night in her palatial townhouse, in a large satin-covered bed, clutching a photo of Henry Kissinger and a bottle of vodka, wishing there were interviews that she could do-over.
According to Babs, the one interview she regrets is the infamous “Ricky Martin outing party” in 2000…
“In 2000, I pushed Ricky Martin very hard to admit if he was gay or not, and the way he refused to do it made everyone decide that he was,” she says now.
“A lot of people say that destroyed his career, and when I think back on it now I feel it was an inappropriate question.”
Hm… here’s the interview, just in case you felt like seeing it in all its grainy glory:
Aw, I wouldn’t feel wholly responsible, Babs…
Although I’m not sure I needed to hear Ricky say he’s a homosexual, per se… I think he’s dropped a few hints…
For instance, in the Livin’ La Vida Loca video when that smoking hot girl kept shaking her ass in his face and he looked like he was petrified that she’d let out a squeaker or that he’d break a tooth… I thought that was pretty telling…
Oh, also maybe it was when those photos came out of him playing paddle ball and doing yoga on the beach with his ridiculously en-fuego boyfriend… It could have been then…
Yeah, that might have been the moment when the pink lightbulb went off for me…
Seriously, I’m just as much a victimized bystander on this one as you are…
I’m a human being, not a wizard. I can’t sit here and explain to you why Kathy Ireland’s neck is 5 feet long… I’d like to, if only to ease my own mind, but I just can’t…
This is the kind of thing that I’d love to say was linked to some sort of supersonic facelift gone terribly awry, but I’d be more inclined to think she’d need some sort of turbo motorized crane and a steel pulley to fuck up her neck this badly…
Well, either that whole scenario with the pulley’s to blame, or Kathy’s been fibbing like a motherfucker and Jiminy Cricket’s sick of jumping all the way to her nose, because this is some serious shit…
Here’s a photo of Betty White crushing the shit out of Victoria Beckham’s chicken claw at a post-Oscar party last night…
I thought it was an appropriate companion to the post about Betty being asked to host Saturday Night Live…
That’s right, her plan worked…
Obviously, there are many layers to each of my terribly complicated posts, and as we peel away the superfluous layers of the image above of Victoria becoming Betty’s prison bitch, we see that basically Betty White is taking over the world, slowly but surely…
It won’t be long now until your 401K goes directly to 1-800- Pet Meds…
Oh who the fuck am I kidding, you don’t have a 401K anymore…
Sean Hayes who played “Jack McFarland” on Will & Grace, decided to come out of the closet as a homosexual today in an interview with The Advocate…
Said Sean:
“When I play a gay character I want to be as believable as possible. And when I’m playing a straight character I also want to be as believable as possible. So the less that people know about my personal life, the more believable I can be as a character.”
“I am who I am. I was never in, as they say. Never… Why would you go down that path with somebody who’s done so much to contribute to the gay community? That was my beef about it. What more do you want me to do? Do you want me to stand on a float? And then what? It’s never enough.”
Yeah, I can totally understand where Sean is coming from because obviously, playing a gay stereotype on television, then refusing to associate your actual person with your own gay lifestyle was a huge help to the gay community.
Seriously. Enormous.
In other news, in the vein of revelatory self-identification…
