Γαμώτο, ναι!

I’m not sure if you knew this, but I was a Classical Civilizations minor in college…

I know…

You can’t believe I went to college, but it’s true…

One thing that captivated me about Ancient Greece was the fact that there always seemed to be a wealth super hot dudes who had no qualms about getting naked and playing a spirited game of “leapfrog“…

That being said, I hear the weather and scenery are also totally ideal…

Anyhoo, Steele Travel (which happens to be owned by this guy, just to sweeten the deal), is offering a trip to Mykonos that allows you to stay here, and play all the same-sex leapfrog you want…

Which (according to my demographics) should seem like a fantastic situation for about 65% of HitDanBack readers…

That being said, you should book your reservation now because if you don’t, and you miss the deadline, you’ll have to live the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your Greek husband…

Do it.

xo

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HOT...

I love it when people talk about demonic possession…

I do!

You know, because one day you’ve got a shitty attitude and don’t feel like going to church, and the next, some priest is throwing you across the room, slapping your across the face, and screaming at you in Latin…

Well, luckily, thanks to Eli Roth, we can all skip that whole cumbersome exorcism and diagnose ourselves at home with this weird dummy site he set up to hype his new movie!

Thanks to “The Church of St. Marks“, you can quickly, yet accurately pinpoint the demon that afflicts you, with the help of highly esoteric questions like:

Do you watch excessive amounts of television?

Do you spend inordinate amount of time on the internet/computer?

Do you seem obsessed with sex and/or pornography?

Yes?

I thought so…

You’re possessed.

And, conversely, I’d also like to get to know you better…

Oh, also, here’s the freaky-ass trailer for Eli Roth’s new movie, “The Last Exorcism“:

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Okay!?

When I was in middle school, I thought it’d be cool to read “Misery“, by Stephen King…

You know, just because this one cute dude in my class liked it…

Anyhoo, I got through the first 200 pgs, and the only thing I remember about it is that the dude who was stuck in the bed kept thinking that “thirsty” and “painful” were like horses neck-in-neck in a race to see which horrible feeling could be dominant in his brain…

I feel similarly about this photograph, except this horse race is between, “sort of amusing” and “fucking nerdy assholes who think about fonts“…

The End.

(Via OMG! Blog)

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holy.fucking.shit.

Uh.

I know a lot of people out there think Angelina Jolie is beautiful, but you’re obviously ignoring that fact that she’s eery as all fuck…

If you can manage to look at her science fiction arms for 3 minutes without projectile vomiting, you deserve a Purple Heart…

In that vein:

RING*RING*RING

JENNIFER ANISTON: “Hello?”

ANGELINA JOLIE: “Hey, bitch, I just sent you a check…”

JENNIFER ANISTON: “Who the fuck is this? Angelina!?”

ANGELINA JOLIE: “Yeah, I didn’t want you to go broke trying to erase your fucking chin from your next shitty movie…”

JENNIFER ANISTON: “Go fuck yourself, lesbo…”

ANGELINA JOLIE: “Why fuck myself, when I can fuck Brad…?”

JENNIFER ANISTON: “Well, that must be a welcomed change from your BROTHER…”

ANGELINA JOLIE: “Well, at least I have my children…”

JENNIFER ANISTON: “Keep telling yourself that, you veiny bitch…Oh, and good luck with your new film.. What’s it called? “Slut?”

CLICK…

The End.

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"Nuh huh huh bee bop boo!"

Um.

Obviously, as a prominent, glittering member of the homosexual community, I’m perpetually shooting diamond-encrusted spitballs at homophobic bigots…

On the other hand, there’s a moment when someone’s unimaginable stupidity melds with their inordinate craziness to form an unstoppable critical mass of pure, Grade-A terd, that always seems to hit me right in the funny-bone…

So is the case with people who speak in tongues…

Please watch this video of some fucking idiot pastor in Rhode Island, whose got a whole lot of “Brrrrapuh Puh Puh Gala Baba Nanana” to share with you…

I like how this dude thinks he’s helping the cause against Gay Marriage…

Enjoy:

(Via OMG! Blog)

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"Walk the gutter!"

Please notice that I tagged this post as “Celebrity”…

I firmly believe that the drunk, angry weirdo featured herein deserves his chance at stardom.

And when I say, “deserves”, I mean that it takes a certain type of crazed invididual to attack a local newsman for being the mouthpiece of the American class-system…

It also takes an even more special person to somehow spin that into a conservative verbal manifesto, and then use it as an excuse to drop his ass like it’s hot…

Enjoy:

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Welcome to the center of the universe...

Well, it’s Monday, again and I think we could all use a little “pick me up”…

And, I really mean that from my heart’s bottom…

People have started to mention to me (a lot) lately, that I tend to talk about my family in posts…

I think, because we’re friends now, that you should know a little bit about from where I come.

That being said, my mother used to pop speed called “Black Beauties” like candy in the 70’s, because her family doctor prescribed them as “diet pills”, so that she could slim down for her “dance courses”…

Yeah, I’m not sure exactly what that means either, sooooo….

One thing you might also not know about me is that I’m also an investigative reporter…

Who does his best work while crunked off his ass on house red wine…

With the use of a speaker phone…

Enjoy and god speed:

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Au naturale...

Um.

What’s nice is that after I finish this story, I can dry it in the sun and use it to grow strawberries in my window box…

In an interview with Britain’s You Magazine, Daryl Hannah says that she has lost roles in films due to the fact that her reputation has been maligned by rumors of cosmetic surgery…

When in reality, she looks like a fucking nutball wax-face, just because:

“There are so many people in LA who have had cosmetic surgery and they all look like Muppets she says, firmly. There was a picture taken a while ago of me emerging from the ocean, with my hair slicked back and no make-up on. I looked as though I had puffy, squinty eyes and the rumor went round I’d had work done; I lost jobs because of it and I thought about suing, but in the States you have to prove malicious intent.

I’ve got a little jowly, and sometimes I look in the mirror and think, ‘Oh my God’, but I am too much of a coward to go under a surgeon’s knife for something that wasn’t life-saving. I’ve had knee and elbow operations, and I’ve broken my back three times, riding and performing movie stunts, and that gives you an appreciation of your body. I lost the top of my finger playing on my grandma’s mobility stair lift. It was terrifying, but could have been so much worse – and it has bestowed on me an ability to be a more compassionate person.”

Perfect.

Incidentally, HERE’S A PHOTO of Daryl about 25 years ago…

Now she looks like THIS… and she’s 106 years old…

So, you do the math.

No, really…

You do it because my SUPERCOMPUTER self destructed when it tried to load a high resolution photo of Daryl’s grumpy collagen face and, in turn, crossed its eyes, shit its pants, and finally imploded.

The End.

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"Jesus is handy..."

Ok…

Let me tell you something about me…

I spent last weekend soaking in a swimming pool filled with booze with my best girlfriend…

Yes, the entire weekend…

Sadly, in the vein, I missed out on New York’s Gay Pride festivities…

Luckily, I came upon the following video…

Which, to me, sums up just about all of my Foucaultian theories on the deity of gayness in one jewel-encrusted, champagne cocktail fueled, toned, tan, sweet-ass, short-form video clip…

I don’t know the dude in the video personally…

But, I love him.

So much.

Enjoy:

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"Did you bring bronzer?" ... "Sure did, Ry!"

Oh wow!

Who feels like experiencing the scorching burn of a hot summer hoax romance!?

Well, you’re in luck!

“Sources” are confirming that Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough are freaking their brains out like a healthy, red-blooded American couple, and it could be getting serious!

SWOON!

The Insider says:

“Things have gotten more serious over the last month. They’re perfect for each other.”

Omg! They’re perfect for each other, you guys!

This happy news comes at an opportune time for Ryan who saw American Idol’s ratings plummet this year, while he legally battled a scary-ass stalker…

No, really!

The stalker’s name was CHIDI UZOMAH and he’s THE SAME MAN who attacked Seacrest’s security guard outside an hospital last month and tried to STAB HIM to death.

Creeepyyyy!

I had no idea Ryan had a stalker…

I did, however, know that at one point, while out on the town, he had a BONER.

Which, to be honest, seems infinitely more unbelievable than him having a stalker… or a “girlfriend”… without a penis.

The End.

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