Scary?

I like the way this Swedish police officer shakes his meatballs…

A lot.

There’s just something about a man in a police uniform that’s exciting.

Maybe, it’s that he could either just keep shaking his ass, or arrest you…

One time, I hired a male stripper that was dressed as a cop for my friend’s birthday party.

It was kind of weird because, even after he was naked, he still wouldn’t drop the whole “cop” persona.

Like, he kept telling us that he’d have to “take us in for questioning” and stuff…

Which, to be honest, ruined his appeal slightly.

We don’t have to worry about that here, because this dude probably can’t speak english for shit…

Enjoy:

(Via Dlisted)

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"Bladablahblahhh"

Ok, look…

I don’t care if you hate gorgeous Britney’s guts.

I don’t care if you “don’t get” performance art.

This video, by performance artist Erin Markey is the funniest goddamned fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

If you only start watching at 1:10 and go through the end, you should see the glimmer of pure brilliance that has touched my soul.

And, perhaps, my “nether regions”…

Enjoy:

(Via OMG! Blog)

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"Run and tell that! Homeboy..."

Uh.

This is a news story about a break-in and attempted rape.

It also happens to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

I know those two things don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand, but what can I say?

If you don’t think “Antoine Dodson” deserves an Oscar for his brilliant fucking portrayal of “Gay  &  Crazy”, you need to check yourself…

Immediately.

Enjoy:

(Via Dlisted)

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"Snooki!?"

Um.

President Obama appeared on “The View” this morning…

Which depresses the fuck out of me…

Look, I love me some Barack, but I just don’t get it…

Maybe it’s just that I think “The View” sucks so badly…

I’d prefer he made a guest appearance on “Yo Gabba Gabba!“…

Am I the only one?

Check it out:

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Zach Galif^absudk**nfd+sfdgkf_jdbgskis

I’m not sure why I’m stalking Funny or Die lately…

But, I’m relatively positive that if Funny or Die had a penis (even a tiny, baby carrot penis), it’d be perfect.

Please watch Michael Cera guest star on Zach Galifianakis’ show “Between Two Ferns”…

It’s brilliant.

Also, don’t ever, ever try to spell Zach Galifianakis’ last name because it’ll make your eyes bleed…

If you don’t have a lot of time, please just watch from around 2:20…

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Zexy...

Oh…

You might remember when I spoke with you about falling in love with the Chanel faux fur bear suit…

Well, Elle’s Joe Zee had that hairy bitch shipped all the way from Paris, so that he could wear it out on a sunny day here in NYC…

I used to work under Joe (I wish) at W Magazine, and I had the biggest crush on him… and still think he’s hot…

Especially in 30 lbs. of poly-blend.

Enjoy:

(Via OMG! Blog)

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Uh. Yes.

Hm.

I’m not sure if you’re excited to see “Thor”…

I probably won’t see it, but that’s only because I barely ever see movies about cartoon characters because there’s hardly any chance that they’ll get naked.

On the other hand, “Thor’s” pretty hot…

But, if you asked my mother, she’d say, “He has a Nazi’ish-look“…

Enjoy:

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Uhm?

Oh!

Someone let Justin Timberlake direct a commercial for some high-end tequila…

I’ll be honest with you, it’s pretty hard to follow…

Basically, there’s a hot chick getting undressed, quoting some stupid shit about war being like a cake…

The she pours a drink, and some hot dude goes down on her.

Logically.

Enjoy:

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"Who wants flounder!!?"

Here’s a video I think you might like of Gwyneth Paltrow gracing an us with her vocal stylings…

That’s right, she’s at it again…

Check out a rare recording of Gwynnie blowing country-themed fart bubbles into a microphone…

As I watched the video below many thoughts raced through my head…

At the top of the list was that I’m surprised Loretta Lynn didn’t just walk right up on stage in front of everyone in the audience and shoot Gwyneth in the head…

Enjoy this now:

Wow!

One time I went to Gwyneth’s house for dinner in the West Village, except she wasn’t there, but I knew the person that was housesitting for her… Obviously.

You know what her house was filled with?

I’ll let you guess.

Take your time…

Oh, I’ll tell you.

It was filled with pictures of GWYNETH PALTROW AND OTHER FAMOUS PEOPLE… and that’s it.

I also excused myself to the ladies room and looked through her underwear drawer (which had an odor) and then I found her Oscar being used as a bookend.

Then, I peed on her toilet-seat, a little.

The End.

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HOT...

I love it when people talk about demonic possession…

I do!

You know, because one day you’ve got a shitty attitude and don’t feel like going to church, and the next, some priest is throwing you across the room, slapping your across the face, and screaming at you in Latin…

Well, luckily, thanks to Eli Roth, we can all skip that whole cumbersome exorcism and diagnose ourselves at home with this weird dummy site he set up to hype his new movie!

Thanks to “The Church of St. Marks“, you can quickly, yet accurately pinpoint the demon that afflicts you, with the help of highly esoteric questions like:

Do you watch excessive amounts of television?

Do you spend inordinate amount of time on the internet/computer?

Do you seem obsessed with sex and/or pornography?

Yes?

I thought so…

You’re possessed.

And, conversely, I’d also like to get to know you better…

Oh, also, here’s the freaky-ass trailer for Eli Roth’s new movie, “The Last Exorcism“:

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