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Amidst rampant rumors that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have decided to end their relationship, the two have denied any such split and have reaffirmed that they continue to be deeply in love…

Here’s a photo from last night of Justin only moments before banging “Jessica Biel”…

I mean “a hot stripper” at Tao in Las Vegas…

I’d imagine that mere seconds before this photo was taken, Justin and his lady had the following exchange:

Woman in a body-stocking: ”So, are you still with Jessica Biel…?”

Justin: “Um…”

Woman in a body-stocking: “I can brush my teeth with my foot…”

Justin: ”No, she’s just my trainer…”

The End.

You'll never be ready for this...

I dare you to watch this video of some sort of renegade, screeching Twilight fan “reacting” to the new trailer for “Twilight: Eclipse” without becoming the victim of a collaboration sneak-attack by your eyes and ears working in tandem…

I’m serious…

Don’t say I didn’t warn you:

Uh…

Can someone come over and pick me up from work?

You’ll know me because I’m the one in the hospital bed in the corner of the room, sitting in a pool of tears, shocking himself with a live electrical wire, listening to Klezmer, and whipping himself in the eyes with a Twizzler…

Vh-1 "Celebrity", Daisy de la Hoya was dating Corey Haim... until he finally died...

Yup… You guessed it.

I mean, it’s a theory…

According to Daisy de la Hoya, she’d been introduced to Haim a month ago by Corey Feldman, and the two were inseparable… for those approximate 30 days:

“Daisy says, “We just connected straight away, we had an automatic connection. I recognized that he was a lost soul, we had the same behavior patterns, we had a lot in common.

It’s such a tragedy, he was so talented and had so much to offer. He was a sweet, caring, respectful person who just wanted to be loved. Corey was looking forward to the future, he was making plans. He had a movie coming up and he was talking about directing, I can’t believe he would of done this on purpose, it had to be an accident.”"

Yeah…

On that note, here’s another one of Corey Feldman’s great ideas…

Although, to be honest, dressing up like Michael Jackson and filming himself “Sh-mon’ing” around his kitchen was probably a way better move than the Haim / de la Hoya union…

Enjoy:

Best body in the business, people... I'm just saying...

What are you guys up to on March 22…?

I mean, it’s a Monday night… You’re free…

So, obviously, we’ll be seeing you at the World Water Day Celebration Concert at 8:00 PM at The Hammerstein Ballroom!

Here are the deets, 100% of the ticket sales will go to The Nature Conservancy to maintain freshwater resources around the country…

And holy-fucking-shit, Sheryl Crow is performing LIVE!!

I mean, WHAT!?

Tickets are still available, so buy them right now…

No, really. I want you to buy them and come to the event…

It’s going to be amazing… For realz.

I’ll see you there! xo

"That's what I heard..." ... "Bitch, please..."

Eh-hem… What does boycotting technology plus cursing at your cell phone equal? Denial, denial, denial!

Guess which british pop singer wants the fame back after going a little whacko, and is currently filming her own reality show to promote the clothing store she’s opening with her sister?

So, was she drunk when she decided communication wasn’t her thing, or is she getting a little tipsy now? Looks like they all come running back to the media once the stalkers take a hike.

Well, we know the show will have at least 2 viewers…and no, it won’t be us…

Know the answer!? Email: HitDanBack@gmail.com!

"Annnd, I'd rike to fank vee acad imee..."

Here’s a photo that I thought you might like…

It depicts Christina Ricci leaving a fashion show in Paris last night…

I think I’ll go out on a limb here and assume that she had a couple of cocktails prior to taking this picture…

I’d also imagine that, shortly after this photo was taken, Christina returned to her hotel and exploded into a fountain of vomit…

… Which Lindsay Lohan (who, incidentally, was Ricci’s wingman / enabler for the evening) promptly consumed because, “there’s still booze in there”…

"Hm... Should I ice you with my bare hands?"

The details of this post are sort of fuzzy, but I’ll do my best…

Apparently, Law & Order’s Richard Belzer got himself into trouble on yesterday when he allegedly lost his shit because he had to wait for 5 fucking hours for some jerk with an “ironic haircut” to tell him his computer was broken…

So, he grabbed the employee at an NYC Apple store by the shoulders, shook her, choked her and screamed that he needed help…

The victim, Milan Agnew called 911 and even filed a harassment complaint with the NYPD.

Said, the victim’s concerned “Nana“:

“She told me, ‘Nana, he didn’t just touch me, he choked me and really scared me.’ My granddaughter is petite, just 5-feet-2 and she’s a dancer so she doesn’t have much body to her. Where does this man come off putting his hands on her?”

Anyhoo…

Belzer told officers that he was “just joking” and was, subsequently, not charged with any crime because his conduct was deemed a “minor violation”… but really because the NYPD didn’t want to lose their place on line for the “Genius Bar”…

"Well, I see something BIG in your future..."

Take a look at this video of a master-psychic at work…

Most of the time I dont’ think I believe in psychics, but somehow I feel like this woman knows what she’s doing…

And when I say “knows what she’s doing”, I mean that when she looks into her crystal ball, she sees penises…

Enjoy!

Psychic Drawing Fail – Watch more Funny Videos

"Hey, Lindsay... It's "Lindsay"..."

No, I swear…

So, remember how I told you that Lindsay Lohan was suing E-Trade because they put a slutty baby in one of their commercials and decided to name it “Lindsay”?

So, Lindsay Lohan was like “Hey, obviously if you name a slut “Lindsay” you’re referencing me”…?

Sure you do!

Well, guess what! It seems as if someone discovered notes from E-Trade’s ad meeting and found out that they were actually poking fun at Lindsay…!

Ok, well we don’t know that they were actually targeting Lindsay Lohan, per se…

But, we do know that they changed the name from “Deborah” to “Lindsay” and then started using the words ”gutter hound,” “fish face“, “rug burn“, and, “skanky cake” to describe her.

So, I mean, who are we kidding?

The baby is Lindsay Lohan, I’d know that “rug burn” “skanky cake” anywhere…

Look at the actual transcript from the E-Trade commercial’s conception!

"Rug-burn"!

Ouch!

Sad face...

Hey! Who feels like being morbid?

Well, here’s the last known video of Corey Haim with his friend Corey Feldman as they leave the club, Haute, in West Hollywood just three weeks ago…

Around the 1:34 the photographer asks Haim how he’s doing to which he answers, “Really good, thank you.”… Yikes.

Meanwhile, if you feel like being lighthearted, focus on that piece of shit tendril shooting out of Corey Feldman’s forehead… that’ll make you laugh… or puke…