Hmm, this might be the weirdest and most unbelievable story line to emerge from the Michael Jackson story yet… According to People Magazine’s interview with Michael Jackson’s bodyguard, Matt Fiddes (also, I swear that picture is really him, not just some random dude with a ponytail doing a high kick…), Michael had a secret, longtime girlfriend for many years who was known to his staff, close friends, and family.
FIddes elaborated, ”I’m not going to name who she is, but I think the family were aware that there was someone special in his life who he loved and adored and had his ups and downs with. I don’t know how long they’ve been a couple. I know she’s been with him for some time in different capacities but … it’s up to her if she wants it to come out or the family to speak about this very private information.”
I’m not sure I believe this one. It seems like it might just be an effort by the Jackson family to try to posthumously normalize Michael’s image in the press… You know, maybe they bribed this dude by offering him a new dojo and a pair of solid gold nunchucks… Are you guys getting my drift here? I mean, this could be a totally covert and undercover spy, spin doctor operation. It could have gone down like this…
“Mr. FIddes, there seems to be an alien in a trench coat with sunglasses on waiting outside the KA-RA-TE (pronounced “kar-ra-tay”) studio, Sensei…”
“Thank you, please show them in…”
“Hello, Mr. Fiddes, I, uh, represent the Jackson family… We’d like you to tell People Magazine about Michael’s “longtime girlfriend…”
“LaToya? Why are you dressed like a spy?”
“Actually, Mr. Fiddes, this isn’t LaToya, it’s Inspector Gadget, I’ve been hired by the Jackson Family… to make you an offer. Are you a bad boy?”
“LaToya, what? Am I what? Also, what girlfriend? You mean Emmanuel Lewis or Bubbles?”
“Yes, I mean I’m not sure except to say that you have to tell People Magazine about “Michael’s longtime girlfriend”…
“Ok, but what’s in it for me?”
“A night with the hottest Jackson family member… How about that?’
“Janet’s in town?!”
“No… not Janet, think again…”
“Rebbie!? Oh yeah, “Centipeeede!”
“No, Rebbie lives in a cave underground in Canada… Guess again, sexy karate man…”
“Ummm, Katherine Jackson?’
“Nope.”
“Hm, Tito…?
“No.”
“No, Sensei… Holla ‘atcha girl, Toya… I’m right here, babe…Ow! Hayyy!”
“Oh… I’m sorry LaToya thats sounds totally hot, but I recently had my genitals pummeled off in a scissor-kicking accident… So, it’s fine I’ll just do it for free…”
