L. Ron Hubbard’s best-selling science fiction fable, Scientology, has been getting its ass kicked all over space this week. No, really.
Firstly, it seems France is ruling to completely dismantle their regional chapter of the organization (“Haw, haw, haw, Cheri”)… and now Wikipedia’s jumping into the ring? Xenu can’t catch a break!
Picture those scenes in Alien where Sigourney Weaver jumps into that huge machine and sucker punches the Alien in the face in order to save “Newt”... That’s what it was like, except the Arbitration Committee at Wikipedia gets to play Ripley and everyone on earth (besides batshit crazy alien eaters) are Newt! Wikipedia, you’re Butch!
It turns out that the free online encyclopedia, which happens to be the 8th most popular site on the internet (click here to see #1… with a BULLET!), felt it necessary to ban all IP addresses associated with the “religion” in order to prevent them from pushing their own alien agenda. After a six-month deliberation, the committee turned out a vote of 10 – 0, with no abstention… OUCH!
But look, just because the “religion” itself can no longer dominate Wikipedia with propaganda, nutcase ramblings, and threats doesn’t mean that individual Scientologists can’t enjoy the site. Why, only this morning, I came across these comments left by concerned members of the Scientology community.
Dear Wikipedia,
You are a JERK, man, ok? Also, there are some mistakes in your entry about Tom Cruise. He isn’t a homosexual, in fact he’s married… To a woman, a Wo-Mannn. So you might wanna change that. You wanna see a straight guy in action? Rent Risky Business… I got three words for you… He-Te-Ro… Somebody get Mimi Rogers on the phone! Talk about a marriage that definitely was NOT a sham!! POW… BAM, BAM, BAM!
Dear Wikipedia Arbitration Committee,
Wee wop zee zooop lim lickin’ zizzle. Me no remembuh mama papa po beep boop. ZAP…
Respectfully,
Wikipedia,
McRib returns to Mcdonalds June 15 through August 8… put that on Wikipedia.
Dear anyone,
Help, these people are fuckin’ crazy -
Hahah!!!